With Elli

On Healing, Identity, and Becoming Myself Again In the past three years, I didn’t just grow up.                                              Photo by  Alfonso Scarpa  on  Unsplash I got old — not in the way the body does, but in spirit. I poured myself into healing. I focused on my mental health, peeled away layers of fear, shame, and survival. And somewhere in that sacred unraveling, I found someone who truly loved me. Someone who saw me — not my looks, not my effort, not my performance. And for the first time, I let go. I stopped trying so hard. I stopped dressing up, putting on makeup, shaping myself for the world. I stopped performing “beauty.”                                                           ...

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is one of the most tender, powerful, and misunderstood human experiences. It’s not about saying “It’s okay” when something wasn’t. It’s about releasing yourself from the weight of pain so it doesn’t define your life. Forgiveness is the intentional choice to stop carrying resentment, anger, guilt, or shame—whether toward others or yourself. It’s not a one-time act, but a process that unfolds in its own time, when you feel safe enough to begin. 🌱 Why Do We Forgive? We forgive not to excuse harm, but to free ourselves from its grip. To stop reliving what hurt us. To reclaim our peace. To live forward, not backward. Forgiveness can bring relief, peace, empowerment , and emotional clarity. It can help us breathe again, let go of bitterness, and rediscover parts of ourselves hidden beneath anger or pain. But forgiveness is not always easy. And it’s not always the right time. ⚠️ When Forgiveness Can Become Toxic...

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash 🌸Hymen and Virginity Many people grow up hearing things about the hymen and virginity that are not true. These ideas can make people feel ashamed, afraid, or judged. So let’s talk about what the hymen really is — and what it’s not. You deserve to know the truth about your body.  🔍 What Is the Hymen? The hymen is a small, soft piece of skin just inside the vagina. It’s not a “seal” that covers the whole opening. Most people are born with a hole in their hymen — that’s how blood comes out during your period. Some people are born with very little hymen at all , and that’s normal too. Every body is different. 💡 Can the Hymen Break? The hymen can stretch or tear , but not only because of sex . It can change when someone: Rides a bike or horse Does sports or dancing Uses a tampon or menstrual cup Masturbates or uses sex toys Has a medical exam Sometimes this causes bleeding or pain — but not always. Some people don...

Today, I feel like... Good. It’s summer, and the sun helps with the mood. The sky is soft and open above the Netherlands — not too hot, not too cold. Twenty-five degrees of just-right warmth, enough to feel alive again. And yet, as I watch the sun shine through the windows, I sit indoors, still. Not because I don’t want to go out... But because I can’t. There is nothing holding me back — except me . I wish I could go outside and enjoy the city. Take a walk. Breathe. Feel the rhythm of the world in motion. But I’ve never gone out alone. Not really. I always walked toward someone. I always returned to someone. But never just with myself. And now, even when I move my leg, just to make a step — I freeze. I feel stuck. My body says no. It feels like standing at the bottom of a massive mountain. I can see the top, shining with light. I can even imagine how it would feel to stand there — free, strong, grounded. But the very first step feels impossible. It feels like death. Because bei...