With Elli

There was a time in my life when I never lived alone. Photo By With Elli I went from my family home to relationships, friendships, and love stories — always trying to belong somewhere . I thought that being part of something meant I was safe, that I had meaning. But the truth is… I was scared of being by myself. I depended on people to define me — family, friends, partners — and I was constantly trying to hold things together, terrified that if something ended, I would disappear too. And yet, in the middle of all that effort to not be alone , I had never felt lonelier. Because I wasn’t with me. I didn’t even know who “me” really was. And honestly, I didn’t even like myself that much. Therapy changed that. It wasn’t easy — it still isn’t. But therapy gave me a mirror. It helped me see myself , slowly, without judgment. To sit with my own company, to hang out with myself, and to start — little by little — to like me. Sometimes, even to love me. I realized that for most of my life, I...

Friends are more than companions in our lives — they’re the people who walk beside us when life feels heavy and remind us that we don’t have to carry everything alone. Friends: How They Support You and Why You Need Them Friends help us hold the invisible weight of life. When we’re with someone we trust, we can let down our guard. We don’t have to explain every detail or pretend to be stronger than we feel. That sense of safety allows honesty and vulnerability to come through. Sharing worries, joys, and struggles with a friend doesn’t mean they’ll fix everything — but it reminds us that we’re not alone. Their presence makes even the heaviest burdens lighter. We need friends because they mirror back our humanity: they see us when we feel invisible, they remind us of our worth when we doubt it, and they walk beside us when life feels overwhelming. That’s why it feels so healing to unburden your soul to someone safe and loving. Why It’s So Important for Humans to Talk About Their Probl...

For many autistic people, social interaction feels like a performance — not because they’re dishonest, but because they’ve had to learn to "mask" their natural ways of being in order to be accepted, understood, or safe. This is called masking , and it can happen all day, every day. What Is Masking? Masking involves things like: Photo by Jens Riesenberg on Unsplash Imitating facial expressions and tone of voice Forcing eye contact Hiding stimming (like fidgeting or self-soothing movements) Suppressing emotions or overwhelm Studying and rehearsing what to say before saying it Pretending to be “okay” — even when they’re not Many autistic people start masking from a young age, often unconsciously. Over time, it becomes second nature — but it’s not natural. It’s learned. And it’s exhausting . It’s Not Just Strangers — It’s Everyone Masking doesn’t only happen in formal situations or with strangers. It often shows up in daily conversations with: Pho...

Photo by With Elli Wednesday, 1 October 2025 — we lost our family dog, my brother’s dog, Hades. He was a true member of our family. He was like a brother, a child, a light, and a joy in our lives. We know we were not perfect guardians. Like most humans, we were sometimes selfish—but we tried, and we are still trying. I believe, and I hope, that we gave him happiness and a good life. Tears and sadness cannot bring back those who have departed, but they are necessary for us who remain behind. We will always remember you, Hades, and carry you in our hearts. Thank you for everything you gave us.

Some days, even when we try our best, it feels oddly difficult to say: “I’m proud of myself. I deserve rest. I deserve a treat.” If you’ve ever found yourself struggling to reward yourself — or even just sit with your own effort — you’re not alone. For many of us, especially those who are deeply empathetic, neurodivergent, or grew up without consistent emotional support, self-kindness doesn’t come naturally. But why?

🌼 Elli’s Gentle Day Plan For the days that feel heavy There are days when everything feels like too much. The dishes pile up, the light feels too bright, and even brushing your teeth can feel like climbing a mountain. There are also days — and I’m having one of those right now — where you just can’t live today . You don’t want to get out of bed. You want the world to stop for a little while so you can breathe again. What I’m learning is this: These days don’t come from nowhere. Usually, something triggers us emotionally , even if it’s invisible. And we shut down — not because we’re weak, but because our body and heart need to feel safe again. With the help of therapy, I’m slowly learning to look for the source , the little spark that sets off the shutdown. Understanding what triggers me helps me meet myself with more care. But there’s something equally important: 🌷 What brings me back ? What helps me get out of these days when I do start feeling better? I’m trying to no...

Today, I feel like... Good. It’s summer, and the sun helps with the mood. The sky is soft and open above the Netherlands — not too hot, not too cold. Twenty-five degrees of just-right warmth, enough to feel alive again. And yet, as I watch the sun shine through the windows, I sit indoors, still. Not because I don’t want to go out... But because I can’t. There is nothing holding me back — except me . I wish I could go outside and enjoy the city. Take a walk. Breathe. Feel the rhythm of the world in motion. But I’ve never gone out alone. Not really. I always walked toward someone. I always returned to someone. But never just with myself. And now, even when I move my leg, just to make a step — I freeze. I feel stuck. My body says no. It feels like standing at the bottom of a massive mountain. I can see the top, shining with light. I can even imagine how it would feel to stand there — free, strong, grounded. But the very first step feels impossible. It feels like death. Because bei...

A Heartfelt Reflection on Love, Responsibility & Self-Awareness In my family, we always had dogs. My mom and dad both loved them—and my mom also adored cats. I always imagined having a dog of my own one day, but when it finally happened, it came in the most unexpected way. My brother found her. She had followed him home one day, probably because his friend was eating a meat sandwich. That little dog—Fouska, we named her (which means “bubble” in Greek)—came into our lives like a spark of light. The moment I saw her, I fell in love with her sweet little face. I had no idea what it meant to be responsible for another life. The good moments, the hard ones. But I did it. And I’d do it all over again. She passed away in July 2021. I miss her every single day. I remember her like it was yesterday. Losing her felt like losing my best friend, my child, a piece of myself. 💭 But What If You’re Not Ready? Lately, I’ve been thinking about a deeper question—one I wish more people would ...

At some point, you get tired of hearing how “great” you are — "You’re so talented!" "You’re beautiful, but you’d be even prettier if you lost some weight..." "If you just worked harder, you could do so much more.” So many “if only you were…” So many rules, so many expectations, and so many directions. But no one really shows you how to deal with yourself first. No one teaches you how to slow down, absorb the information life throws at you, and ask: Does this even fit me? What do I feel? How can I use this to understand myself, not fix myself? Even those who love you — they can still hurt you, unintentionally, quietly. There’s pressure even in care.                                                              Photo by Allec Gomes on Unsplash So I started watching. Listening. To people. To places. To myself. I began using t...

I moved from Greece to the Netherlands in my 30s. “But Odysseus… sat on the rock in torment, grieving in his heart, shedding tears…” “But nothing I know is sweeter than my own country and my parents, even if I dwell in a rich house in a foreign land…”   It wasn’t a reckless move — it was thoughtful, hopeful, necessary in many ways. But even now, years later, this place still doesn’t feel like home . And the ache for my hometown hasn’t softened. In fact, when you live with depression, it’s as if that ache has a microphone — everything is louder, heavier, and harder to carry. Homesickness isn’t just about missing a place. It’s about missing a version of yourself that belonged. That felt known. That didn’t have to explain anything. 💭 What I Miss Isn’t Just “Back Home” I miss the sea at the limani port — the way the light plays on the water, how the salt air wraps around your skin like a blessing. I miss coffee time with family — not just the drink, but the sacred ritual of talki...

1. Biking in a Suit During a Storm 🚲 Dutch people bike in any weather — wind, rain, snow, even dressed for work or in heels. It's the norm! 2. Separate Trash Bins for Paper, Plastic, and Organic Waste… but Different Rules in Every City Recycling is taken seriously, but every gemeente (municipality) has different color bins and rules. 3. Paying with Tikkie Instead of Cash 💰 Going out with friends? One person pays, and the rest use Tikkie to send their share instant 4. Keeping the Curtains Open 🪟 Privacy is not as important here — many Dutch people keep their windows wide open , even at night. It's considered gezellig (cozy) and open. 5. Eating Hagelslag (Chocolate Sprinkles) on Bread for Breakfast 🧁 Yes, chocolate for breakfast is perfectly normal in Dutch households. 6. Not Small Talking with Strangers 💬 Dutch people are polite but direct. Don’t expect small talk at the checkout — just efficiency! 7. Appointments for E...