Learning to Stand Alone
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By
Elli Z. Georgiadou
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Learning to Stand Alone
Where the Journey Begins
Living with Intensity: Understanding Emotional Extremes in BPD
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| Photo by With Elli |
Emotions are an essential part of being human — they shape our connections, drive our decisions, and color our experiences. But for some, emotions don’t just whisper; they roar. One of the most challenging aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), or the presence of BPD traits, is the intensity and rapid shifting of emotions.
As someone who relates to several BPD traits, I’ve often felt like my emotional world was turned up to maximum volume. Small triggers can spark overwhelming feelings, and navigating those waves takes more energy than most people realize. But why does this happen? What makes the emotional experience in BPD so vivid, raw, and at times, extreme?
Let’s explore what we know — both emotionally and neurologically — about these inner storms.
🧠 What Happens in the Brain?
1. The Amygdala: The Brain's Alarm System
The amygdala is a small almond-shaped region deep in the brain, responsible for detecting threats and generating emotional responses. In individuals with BPD, studies show the amygdala is often hyperactive — meaning it reacts more strongly and quickly to perceived threats or emotional stimuli.
Even neutral situations can feel threatening, and emotional responses may feel sudden and overwhelming. It’s not “just in someone’s head” — it’s happening in real time in the brain.
2. Reduced Prefrontal Cortex Regulation
The prefrontal cortex helps us regulate emotions, control impulses, and make reasoned decisions. In BPD, this region often shows reduced activity, especially during emotional distress. That means once emotions rise, it can be harder to “talk ourselves down” or apply logic and self-soothing — even when we know what’s happening.
3. Impaired Connectivity Between Regions
Emotional regulation requires smooth communication between the emotional brain (amygdala) and the rational brain (prefrontal cortex). In BPD, the communication between these regions can be impaired, making emotional regulation harder — like trying to calm a fire without water.
🔥 Why Emotions Feel So Extreme
1. Emotional Sensitivity
People with BPD are often highly emotionally sensitive — they feel things more deeply and quickly. Joy, love, pain, and fear are all magnified.
2. Slow Return to Baseline
Once an emotion is triggered, it tends to last longer. The “emotional burn” stays even after the fire has gone out. A small conflict can feel like devastation and linger long after the moment passes.
3. Fear of Abandonment
Even slight signs of rejection or distance can activate intense fear of abandonment. This fear can lead to panic, anger, or despair, all of which feel very real and immediate — even if the situation is less severe than it seems.
💬 What This Means for Daily Life
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Relationships may feel like a rollercoaster: safe one moment, terrifying the next.
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Moods can shift rapidly — from love to rage, from hope to despair.
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Self-worth might depend heavily on external validation.
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Trust can be fragile, especially when intense emotions are involved.
This isn’t about being “too much.” It’s about living with a nervous system that feels too deeply, too fast, and has trouble calming down.
🌱 What Helps?
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Therapy — especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) — can help people learn to regulate emotions, identify triggers, and build a more stable emotional foundation.
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Mindfulness and grounding techniques help in the moment.
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Safe, understanding relationships can act as anchors.
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Medication, for some and after evaluation with a psychiatrist, may help stabilize mood or ease co-occurring symptoms (like anxiety or depression).
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| Photo by Kamil Pietrzak on Unsplash |
If you or someone you love experiences emotional extremes, know this: it’s not a character flaw. It’s a response from a nervous system and brain that developed in pain, but still longs for connection.
Understanding the “why” behind emotional intensity is one step toward compassion, healing, and making space for gentler ways of being.
— With love,
Elli ✨
Living, learning, and feeling deeply.
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